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Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow this list of 20 things to discuss before marriage.Covering these topics will ensure that you and your future husband have an understanding of what each of you want for the future. This list covers everything from children to money to who’s doing the dishes Friday night.

    It is natural to think about children as you are planning a wedding. Marriage means starting a family, even if “Family” for you doesn’t include having kids. Before you get married you need to discuss if you will have children, how many kids you want, will you adopt, and when you will start growing your family if you are having children. Don’t go into your marriage thinking that you can change each other’s mind. It’s not fair to expect a man to father children he doesn’t want or to deny him children. If this is the case you would both be happier with someone else.
  2. MONEY
    Life cost money. There is no denying that, which is why money is one thing to discuss before marriage. It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?
    Have you met his family yet? Do you like them? Now is the time to figure out how you will handle your families and where you will lay boundaries. It’s insane to enter a marriage and think that his parents or your parents aren’t going to try to interfere at some point.
  4. GOALS
    Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his? If you are career minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next 5 years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money he needs to know this. You also need to know how his goals of quitting his current job to become a wedding singer are going to affect your life.
    What’s the plan after you get married? Maybe you already live together and that takes out some of need to discuss before marriage, but you may still want to know how long do you plan to stay in your current home or if you need to start saving up to buy a house in the near future.
    Do you know where your future husband wants to vacation? This maybe something that won’t happen right away, but it’s still fun to dream about fabulous vacations you can take together.
    Believe it or not but religion is a very important thing to discuss before marriage. Chances are if you guys come from different religious backgrounds the topic has come up more than once. Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.
    Here is one thing to discuss before marriage that might make you a little uncomfortable. Unfortunately it needs to be done. It’s better to put it all out there beforehand instead of it coming to light after the big day.
    Secrets are another thing to let go of. If you think there might be a nude picture of you floating around out there from an ex-boyfriend or a job you held that you aren’t so proud of, tell him. It’s always best to come clean than to live worrying about it slipping out. How horrible would it be for your husband to find out at a party with all his friends that you use to dress as a clown at little kids’ birthday parties?
    You would think that taking a vow to love one another unconditionally would sum up each other ideas on faithfulness, but that isn’t always the case. Some people really do believe that if you are different area codes it’s okay to mess around. Know for sure you are on the same page when it comes to faithfulness before taking the walk down the aisle.
  11. VALUES
    Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are most important to each of you. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family.
    We all receive love differently. Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. Others see love as action. Find out what things you can do for each other to show you love one another.
  13. CHORES
    Didn’t think chores were a thing to discuss before marriage? Trust me it’s a talk you absolutely want to have. You need to be clear on what your expectations are on keeping the house clean. Decide who is responsible for what chores now, so everyone knows who is at fault when the trash hasn’t been taken out and the toilet is filthy.
  14. BUDGET
    It’s not enough to just discuss your finances. You also need to work out a budget together. This budget should cover all your bills, create a plan to pay off any debt, and save for the future. A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items.
    Another thing to consider discussing before marriage is how you will spend quality time together. Don’t forget to plan date nights and special ways to appreciate each other.
    If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage.
    Do you know how to fight fair? Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair.
    How will you forgive each other after an argument? Do you know what acts he considers unforgivable or may make it extremely hard for him to forgive you wholeheartedly? Find out these sort of things now.
  19. TRUST
    Can you trust each other? Are there certain things that he doesn’t trust you with right now? How can you get that trust back? Discuss before marriage any trust issues you have with each other.
    Jealousy can be a huge downfall in any relationship. If you are a jealous person let him know that. Tell him the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them. As you can see there are many things to discuss before marriage. Don’t let these topics scary you off about getting married. It’s just important that you and your future husband have a full understand of one another. What are some other important things to discuss before marriage?

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Domestic violence is a violence or other abuse in a marriage.
Domestic violence could involve any body but I’m looking at it in a family setting between a man and his wife.

Domestic violence includes

  • Physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religion reproductive and sexual abuse.

Many people are going through a lot in marriages today, some Christan homes inclusive. This has caused a lot of harms in homes, churches and the society at large. So many women have lost their lives in the process,men inclusive but women are mostly at the receiving end. And they endure mostly even to the point of loosing their lives. This they do because of:

  1. The love they have for their spouse
  2. Because of their children
  3. What the society will say about them
  4. Because of their faith and religion.

Please when beating and sexual molestation becomes the case in your home, there’s need for separation.

Now in as much as the Bible frowns at divorce, I don’t think it’ll be reasonable for one to remain in an abusive marriage where his/her life is a stake. The same children you think about will still be maltreated, neglected and will be forced to face horrible situations the moment you are gone. The same society you are thinking of what they will say will still blame you for not speaking out on time. Your making heaven is even very slim because I don’t think your heart is clean in that condition. Your bad thoughts, unforgiveness and bitterness is enough to send you to hell. And instead of you to commit murder, I think you should separate if that’s the only option left.

Many women are going through alot. When a domestic violence involves life threatening abuses, there’s need for you to seek for help.

Many women have died in this process. Pls being born again doesn’t mean your brain should be suspended. Yes divorce is a sin but you shouldn’t die either because you are married. You are being asked to keep praying often times, yes but you could do that also while away. Many women are dying silently. Women please speak out in such conditions, don’t keep quiet. Make sure the problem is not from you. Make sure you are not the cause of it.

I have seen a woman beating blue black by her husband. Not once not twice. Infact the man always use cane,belt etc on her. And she’s asked to keep praying. What if she die one day? What if she couldn’t take it any longer and tries to defend herself and kill her partner in the process, what will be her lot?

Women should take the necessary steps the moment they see that things are getting out of hand.

Try to see how you could save the situation by involving your spiritual leaders, your both families,the people your partner respects so much and if there’s no changes please take a break while you pray and take the necessary steps to save your marriage.

Pls note that your being away is for the mean time. Even while away you are to remain and keep your body. It’s not a time to go about messing up. If you do that you are commenting sin. You are to maintain sexual purity. Even when your partner is doing otherwise. The only time remarriage is possible is when one partner is dead. See Romans 7:2,1cor.7:39.

Neighbors should as well look out for their fellow women/men. Please speak out for them. Some of them are in a tight corner and can’t help themselves.

Stay tuned for the next post on this same topic!

Say no to domestic violence.

What’s your take on this? Share your opinion.
Will you allow your daughter, sister, brother,son go through domestic violence?
What will you have them do;the abused?

By Chika Helen Nwabueze’

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By Oladimeji Ramon

A group, the Federal Social Democrats, says the credibility and integrity of the Lagos State Governor, Mr Babajide Sanwo-Olu, have been diminished by the alleged shooting of #EndSARS protesters by soldiers at the Lekki tollgate on the night of October 20.

According to the group, the Lekki incident has eroded the admiration that Sanwo-Olu won with his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The group, in statement on Sunday signed on its behalf by Olutola Mobolurin, also condemned the harassment of #EndSARS protest leaders through the freezing of their bank accounts and stopping them from travelling outside the country.

The FSD’s statement was titled, ‘Statement by the Federal Social Democrats On the #EndSARS Movement and Violence in the Wake of Lekki Shootings.’

The group said, “Governor Sanwo-Olu, who before now has been credited with responsible and energetic response to the COVID-19 pandemic, has by this one act lost his credibility and integrity for many. He has a big task in regaining the confidence of the public and youths; his credibility gap surrounding what happened at the Lekki Toll Plaza is not helped by the insensitive bluster of Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu at the governor’s residence stating that those who were injured and presumably those who died had questions to answer.”

Though the group condemned the destruction of public assets and looting that trailed the shootings at the Lekki tollgate, it said the mayhem pointed to the alienation of a large number of youths from society by government.

It said, “The so-called hoodlums are the youths that have been denied any stake in society by the self-dealing and state capture that have characterised governance over the last 30 years. Millions of our youths have been uneducated, unemployable and with no meaningful social safety net. Even for the millions who are educated and skilled, long-term unemployment has been their experience in the Nigerian prebendal political economy that serves primarily the interests of public office holders and their cronies.

“Some of the ‘hoodlums’ responsible for the trashing of Lagos are the youths and ‘the toughies’ that many politicians have over the years employed to subvert the democratic process through intimidation of voters and perpetration of violence during elections.”

The group said the organisers of the #EndSARS protests deserved commendation for the resourcefulness, transparency and accountability which they demonstrated.

The group condemned “the growing reports of compilation of names of the assumed leaders and facilitators of the protests for government reprisals.”

It said, “Those that are being targeted are reportedly being prevented from travelling outside Nigeria while accounts of some have been frozen. This is hardly the hallmark of a democratic government that is interested in dialoguing with the youths or learning positive lessons from the #EndSARS protests. It is also a violation of the spirit of government’s acceptance of the 5 for 5 agenda. The President should stop all these acts of witch-hunt.”

The FSD solicited support for the Lagos State Government to rebuild and replace the vandalised public assets.

  • PunchNg

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• Nigeria’s Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala had been expected to be confirmed as leader on Monday

By Richard Partington

The race to find a new leader of the World Trade Organization has been thrown into renewed uncertainty after the cancellation of a key appointment meeting following the US presidential election.

The Geneva-based WTO, which acts as an international arbiter for trading disputes, said it had put off a meeting scheduled for Monday that had been called to appoint Nigeria’s Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala as its next director general.

Donald Trump’s administration opposed her selection in one of its final acts before the US election, despite the former Nigerian finance minister securing the overwhelming backing of the WTO’s 164 members.

The special meeting of the trade body’s general council had been convened to take a formal decision on the appointment. Officials had been set to put forward Dr Okonjo-Iweala as the candidate most likely to attract a majority, after most countries expressed a preference for her over South Korea’s Yoo Myung-hee.

Okonjo-Iweala had moved a step closer to becoming the first woman and the first African to be director of the global trade watchdog after securing backing from the EU, China, Japan and Australia. Liam Fox, the leading Brexiter and former international trade secretary, had run as the UK government’s preferred candidate but failed to win enough support from other countries to reach the last two in the process.

Trade experts said Joe Biden defeating Trump in last week’s election may have led to countries calling for a delay in the WTO leadership race, with the aim of securing the Biden White House’s backing for Okonjo-Iweala after he takes charge in January.

The delay in selecting a new WTO director general comes at a fragile moment for the world economy amid the second wave of Covid-19, and after years of criticism of the WTO and calls for reform from Trump.

The WTO said the meeting would be postponed until further notice, during which time the organisation would continue undertaking consultations with delegations from countries around the world to pick a new leader.

It said in a statement: “For reasons including the health situation and current events, delegations will not be in a position to take a formal decision on 9 November.”

  • TheGuardian

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

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