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Handling the Young Man Well



Handling the Young Man Well

By Babajide imran

On several occasions when the young man has to be counselled to desist or abstain from a number of moral indecencies as pre-marital sex, illicit drug use, smoking, drinking, habitual clubbing etc the counsellor, usually an african religious ‘elder’, often resort to going mysterious…

For instance the approach considered mostly appropriate to avoiding pre-marital sex is telling the young man of how he dishes out his ‘destiny’ or exchange it with his unbriddled sexual partner. Haba! Many famous folks and celebrities (male and female) have carnal knowledge of people all over the world yet bagging awards upon awards, increasing in fan base and are making giant strides in their secular careers. A few aristoles, olóshós, strippers and porn stars actually acquire their fame, wealth, power and all sorts of pride of this life from their sexual indiscipline. And so a young fellow could see all of these and conveniently put the elderly counsels behind his/her ears.

As a matter of fact, a young man (generic) by default is an adventurer. When he cannot directly relate with an information, he either pretends to understand, ignore or experiment even with his own life!

Hence, when you have to encourage him(generic) to avoid pre-marital and all sorts of illegal/unlawful sexual acts, dont tell him some mysterious, spiritual and far fetched implication of what he is doing wrong; that wont resonate with him. Tell him some direct, relatable and immediate implications of pre-marital sex. Tell him some scientific stuff about sex: let him know sex on its own is good, soothening and even therapeutic. It is however psychoactive and so associated with tendency, dependence and addiction (kindly look up those terms). By being pyschoactive, it means – all other things being equal – sex isn’t what you do once and wouldn’t wish to have another experience. One experience automatically opens you up to another lifetime responsibility that needs to be attended to at regular/irregular interval. This is why it remains an experience that only ought to be shared in marriage where both parties are obliged and legalised to provide partnership when needed. And so it is worth the wait! You can imagine what happens when an umarried fellow is sexually exposed…it’s like being pushed to a task one isnt equipped to do! Abuse will set in, then emotional trauma, teenage pregnancy, unwanted pregrancy, abortion, unsafe/septic abortion, irregular menstrual cycle plus recurrent breast lumps even breast cancer (as a result of early and prolong usage of oral contraceptive pills), recurrent pelvic inflamatory disease (usually as a result of more than one sexual partner), which could lead to inablity to conceive later in life mostly as per the female gender. Illicit drug use usually get to accompany sexual indecency (cos there comes a time they need to be ‘high’ before they do), then mood disorder/psychosis mostly among the male gender. Then, as applicable to both genders, thwarted ambition, STI and STDs (including HIV, Herpes), possibility of unsatisfactory sexual demand even when marriage eventually ensues, eventual divorce, single parenthood, lot of stress!!

The list is actually endless ranging from biological to psychological and social. Now, I haven’t known all these cos I’ve been there, I’ve only been privileged to gather info like any other person.

Likewise when a young man has to be warned against the use of alcohol and cigarette, let them know those things are psychoactive as well. One experience isnt usually enough. So you sign up to run into gallore of problems: addiction, psychoses and mirad of social and emotional dysfunctioning. Alcoholism and smoking as a matter of fact are negative risk factors for virtually all disease conditions. Situations where they may be positive risk factors are very minimal and highly controversial.

The truth is indecent way of life can actually pull down anyone no matter how far one has gone. For a R Kelly of not less than 4 Grammys to be imprisoned for the most shameful things? So, no need to scare anyone with hell or some mysterious spiritual mysteries. The fruit of indiscipline is destruction. It has driven many highflier to even taking their own lives, no doubt!

Hence the implication of what a young man is doing wrong should simply be made clear to him (generic). Let him/her be aware of the threats and dangers such indecency poses to his or her future right on earth. Basic!

If the counsellors are that clear in their presentation, then a young man can be left to make an INFORMED decision.

Enjoy your weekend.


Till next weekend…

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Domestic violence is a violence or other abuse in a marriage.
Domestic violence could involve any body but I’m looking at it in a family setting between a man and his wife.

Domestic violence includes

  • Physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religion reproductive and sexual abuse.

Many people are going through a lot in marriages today, some Christan homes inclusive. This has caused a lot of harms in homes, churches and the society at large. So many women have lost their lives in the process,men inclusive but women are mostly at the receiving end. And they endure mostly even to the point of loosing their lives. This they do because of:

  1. The love they have for their spouse
  2. Because of their children
  3. What the society will say about them
  4. Because of their faith and religion.

Please when beating and sexual molestation becomes the case in your home, there’s need for separation.

Now in as much as the Bible frowns at divorce, I don’t think it’ll be reasonable for one to remain in an abusive marriage where his/her life is a stake. The same children you think about will still be maltreated, neglected and will be forced to face horrible situations the moment you are gone. The same society you are thinking of what they will say will still blame you for not speaking out on time. Your making heaven is even very slim because I don’t think your heart is clean in that condition. Your bad thoughts, unforgiveness and bitterness is enough to send you to hell. And instead of you to commit murder, I think you should separate if that’s the only option left.

Many women are going through alot. When a domestic violence involves life threatening abuses, there’s need for you to seek for help.

Many women have died in this process. Pls being born again doesn’t mean your brain should be suspended. Yes divorce is a sin but you shouldn’t die either because you are married. You are being asked to keep praying often times, yes but you could do that also while away. Many women are dying silently. Women please speak out in such conditions, don’t keep quiet. Make sure the problem is not from you. Make sure you are not the cause of it.

I have seen a woman beating blue black by her husband. Not once not twice. Infact the man always use cane,belt etc on her. And she’s asked to keep praying. What if she die one day? What if she couldn’t take it any longer and tries to defend herself and kill her partner in the process, what will be her lot?

Women should take the necessary steps the moment they see that things are getting out of hand.

Try to see how you could save the situation by involving your spiritual leaders, your both families,the people your partner respects so much and if there’s no changes please take a break while you pray and take the necessary steps to save your marriage.

Pls note that your being away is for the mean time. Even while away you are to remain and keep your body. It’s not a time to go about messing up. If you do that you are commenting sin. You are to maintain sexual purity. Even when your partner is doing otherwise. The only time remarriage is possible is when one partner is dead. See Romans 7:2,1cor.7:39.

Neighbors should as well look out for their fellow women/men. Please speak out for them. Some of them are in a tight corner and can’t help themselves.

Stay tuned for the next post on this same topic!

Say no to domestic violence.

What’s your take on this? Share your opinion.
Will you allow your daughter, sister, brother,son go through domestic violence?
What will you have them do;the abused?

By Chika Helen Nwabueze’

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By Oladimeji Ramon

A group, the Federal Social Democrats, says the credibility and integrity of the Lagos State Governor, Mr Babajide Sanwo-Olu, have been diminished by the alleged shooting of #EndSARS protesters by soldiers at the Lekki tollgate on the night of October 20.

According to the group, the Lekki incident has eroded the admiration that Sanwo-Olu won with his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The group, in statement on Sunday signed on its behalf by Olutola Mobolurin, also condemned the harassment of #EndSARS protest leaders through the freezing of their bank accounts and stopping them from travelling outside the country.

The FSD’s statement was titled, ‘Statement by the Federal Social Democrats On the #EndSARS Movement and Violence in the Wake of Lekki Shootings.’

The group said, “Governor Sanwo-Olu, who before now has been credited with responsible and energetic response to the COVID-19 pandemic, has by this one act lost his credibility and integrity for many. He has a big task in regaining the confidence of the public and youths; his credibility gap surrounding what happened at the Lekki Toll Plaza is not helped by the insensitive bluster of Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu at the governor’s residence stating that those who were injured and presumably those who died had questions to answer.”

Though the group condemned the destruction of public assets and looting that trailed the shootings at the Lekki tollgate, it said the mayhem pointed to the alienation of a large number of youths from society by government.

It said, “The so-called hoodlums are the youths that have been denied any stake in society by the self-dealing and state capture that have characterised governance over the last 30 years. Millions of our youths have been uneducated, unemployable and with no meaningful social safety net. Even for the millions who are educated and skilled, long-term unemployment has been their experience in the Nigerian prebendal political economy that serves primarily the interests of public office holders and their cronies.

“Some of the ‘hoodlums’ responsible for the trashing of Lagos are the youths and ‘the toughies’ that many politicians have over the years employed to subvert the democratic process through intimidation of voters and perpetration of violence during elections.”

The group said the organisers of the #EndSARS protests deserved commendation for the resourcefulness, transparency and accountability which they demonstrated.

The group condemned “the growing reports of compilation of names of the assumed leaders and facilitators of the protests for government reprisals.”

It said, “Those that are being targeted are reportedly being prevented from travelling outside Nigeria while accounts of some have been frozen. This is hardly the hallmark of a democratic government that is interested in dialoguing with the youths or learning positive lessons from the #EndSARS protests. It is also a violation of the spirit of government’s acceptance of the 5 for 5 agenda. The President should stop all these acts of witch-hunt.”

The FSD solicited support for the Lagos State Government to rebuild and replace the vandalised public assets.

  • PunchNg

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• Nigeria’s Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala had been expected to be confirmed as leader on Monday

By Richard Partington

The race to find a new leader of the World Trade Organization has been thrown into renewed uncertainty after the cancellation of a key appointment meeting following the US presidential election.

The Geneva-based WTO, which acts as an international arbiter for trading disputes, said it had put off a meeting scheduled for Monday that had been called to appoint Nigeria’s Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala as its next director general.

Donald Trump’s administration opposed her selection in one of its final acts before the US election, despite the former Nigerian finance minister securing the overwhelming backing of the WTO’s 164 members.

The special meeting of the trade body’s general council had been convened to take a formal decision on the appointment. Officials had been set to put forward Dr Okonjo-Iweala as the candidate most likely to attract a majority, after most countries expressed a preference for her over South Korea’s Yoo Myung-hee.

Okonjo-Iweala had moved a step closer to becoming the first woman and the first African to be director of the global trade watchdog after securing backing from the EU, China, Japan and Australia. Liam Fox, the leading Brexiter and former international trade secretary, had run as the UK government’s preferred candidate but failed to win enough support from other countries to reach the last two in the process.

Trade experts said Joe Biden defeating Trump in last week’s election may have led to countries calling for a delay in the WTO leadership race, with the aim of securing the Biden White House’s backing for Okonjo-Iweala after he takes charge in January.

The delay in selecting a new WTO director general comes at a fragile moment for the world economy amid the second wave of Covid-19, and after years of criticism of the WTO and calls for reform from Trump.

The WTO said the meeting would be postponed until further notice, during which time the organisation would continue undertaking consultations with delegations from countries around the world to pick a new leader.

It said in a statement: “For reasons including the health situation and current events, delegations will not be in a position to take a formal decision on 9 November.”

  • TheGuardian

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

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